There are so many times in my life that I have asked why. Why was it so hard for me to have kids? Why did Noah have to be born so early? Why did Toby have to go through everything with his eyes? Why did things go so wrong for me regarding my job? on and on and on...
Recently, I have been asking why a lot having to do with Noah. Why does everything have to be so hard for him? Things that are so easy for other kids are so much harder for him. I watched him recently at the PE showcase for his school. He struggled with the dancing moves so much because of his sensory issues and lack of control. I watched him at his carnival. He wanted to ride the carousel, but only on the bench that would not go up and down. When he finally got on the ride, he did not want to go through with it. We convinced him to go for the ride, and I filmed the whole thing tears streaming down my face that he was able to do the ride and actually enjoyed it. All the while Maddie was riding it with no problems whatsoever. It just makes me so upset. Why does he have to deal with this? Why do all the other little boys get to participate in sports, but he can't because he only has one kidney? Why is his monthly medicine bill close to $400 just to keep him semi healthy? Why are there no cures for anything he has? Why my son? Why my precious child?
Now I am also getting so frustrated with school issues for Noah. He is very advanced, but I don't think that he is being challenged nor will he ever be challenged in public school due to the testing mentality that has such a strong hold on all of Texas public schools. It makes me angry, and it makes me ask why are we doing this to our children? Why have we replaced teaching with test prep? Why do we continually fail our children and then wonder why they are not successful? Why can't the powers that be down in Austin see that they are killing our education system and not saving it? I have spent so many sleepless nights wondering what to do for my children and trying to figure out my options. Why? Why should I have to go back to work just to pay for an education that the state should be providing my children? I know I will face these same issues as soon as Maddie enters school, because I do not see these issues going away or getting better. I want to scream and throw something and stomp my feet until someone listens, but the ones who are making the laws are not listening.
So I sit here again, my mind racing with so many why questions. Why does my son have to struggle? Why can't things just come easy for him? Why can't the one thing that does come easy for him be up to the standard that it should be? Why is the state failing our children? Why are we as parents allowing this to continue and not making our voice heard? Why isn't anyone listening? Why?