American Honey

Have you ever had a song that just spoke to you? Right now that song is American Honey. It reminds me of times long gone and a simpler life. I guess I have had the best of both worlds. I grew up all over Texas, but before I moved to Fort Worth I spent the majority of my childhood in the very small East Texas town of White Oak. When I lived there WO had maybe 5,000 people total. We had 100 people in our class. Everyone knew everyone. It is the kind of place that everyone should live in at least for a while. This song makes me think so much of that time in my life, especially the summers. Summers to me have always been magical, no matter where I was. But there was something about that place. Small towns just have a feeling. I can't explain it in words. It is just a feeling inside, that sometimes I ache for. As I listen to the song, I can feel things from those times. I can smell the chlorine from the community pool, and I can feel it still in my hair later that day as I pull my hair back and put on my softball cap to go play my game in the little field nestled among towering pine trees. You can feel summer there under the bright lights as the June bugs fly around and little kids run around carefree grasping at their snow cones. I can taste the blackberries that grew wild and we would pick and eat with a little sugar on them. I still smell the honeysuckle that grew on the vines close to my house. I remember the feel of my Sunday clothes all hot and sticky with sweat every Sunday as we went to church in the little log cabin church, and I can taste the juice from Vacation Bible School. It is the only place that I have ever had that kind of juice and it is so distinctive that it has stuck with me all these years. Oh how I long for those days. The simple times. The carefree days. I know that every time I hear certain songs or catch a whiff of honeysuckle, the same feeling will catch me. I will feel that same longing for my children to have that same experience. I will be grateful that I have had the experience to live in such a place.

Where does the time go?

Maddie is 6 months old. I can't believe that it has been six months already. She is growing so fast. She is sitting up and eating baby food and sleeping in her own crib. She has the cutest little personality. She loves to be held and tickled, she loves her big brother, and she loves to play with anything she can put in her mouth. We are going to try to use cloth diapers with her. We will see how that goes. We bought a gDiaper for her today. I hope it works, because it will be so much cheaper.
Noah has started potty training and is doing remarkably well. He had one accident today while he was awake and one while he was asleep. He also used the potty while we were out today. This resulted in having lunch in only a pull up and an emergency run to Carters. Not that I am ever upset about having to go there!. He is such a funny guy. I love hanging out with him and hearing what he is going to come up with next.

Kind of a short post today, because while Maddie is sleeping in her crib, she is up all the time crying so Toby and I are exhausted!

My dearest Noah

I meant to write you this letter last week on your birthday, but with all of the craziness the day slipped away before I could get my thoughts down. You have taught me so much in your short three years. You have shown me how much love I have. It is more than I ever thought possible. We tried so hard for so long just to have you. When you entered our world with all of the trials and tribulations that you had, you changed us, me especially. I knew that I was a strong person, but I had no idea how strong I was until I had you. I also learned that I don't always have to be the strong one, sometimes it is okay to lean on those around you. And that's what I did. Your daddy was my rock and I leaned on him. I let go of feeling like I had to be strong all the time, and let myself show my emotions and my vulnerability. When everything happened with my job and staying home with you, you taught me that it is okay to not have everything planned out. Sometimes it is okay to just roll with what life deals you. You taught me that I don't have to have a classroom to be a teacher. You showed me that my classroom is the backyard, and the grocery store, and the car. You taught me to enjoy the little things. You taught me to enjoy life and not worry so much about what anyone else thinks. You taught me to enjoy every second and make it memorable. Whether we are running through the sprinklers in our best clothes or jamming out to your favorite Barney song in the car, every moment is special. You have challenged me to be better and you have tested me sometimes beyond what I thought possible. You love the way only a child does, completely and wonderfully. You love your family and friends. I love seeing the relationship you are building with your sister. You love to make her laugh, and you are always there to comfort her when she needs it. You make me laugh everyday. You are the funniest guy I know. I love watching you and the way you look at the world and find the humor in it. I love that you always want to make sure everyone around you is happy. And if they are not, I love that you are always ready to offer a hug to make them happy. You have a kind heart and a loving soul. I feel blessed to be your mommy. I cannot wait to see what your future holds. I can't wait to have more adventures with you. I love you more than words can say. You are my sweet, loving Noah Bear. I love you more each and every day!

Love always,
Mommy

Mother's Day

I have reflected a lot today on motherhood. I used to wonder if I would ever celebrate this day. For years, we struggled with infertility due to my PCOS. Now I celebrate this day with my two special blessings.
I remember mother’s day three years ago. I thought I had another 3 months before my first little blessing was coming and then there he was about 2 weeks later. It was like being thrown into motherhood and all of its challenges all at once. I know every mother worries about their children from the second they are born. But these are normal fears. There are fears about childhood illnesses and what their future will hold. And these are very real fears. My fears with my first little blessing were brain bleeds, feeding tubes, and over stimulating his tiny nervous system. My fear was not about how I was going to be able to handle dealing with a three day old baby at home, it was wondering how I was going to deal with going home in three days to an empty house. The ride down the hallway, holding my special bundle all tucked neatly into his car seat on our way home was replaced with my sobs as I made that ride alone. It was watching the window where his isolette was positioned getting further and further away as we drove off. I was told when and for how long I could hold my child. We had a checklist of tasks that had to be accomplished before we could take him home. I kept that in my mind constantly and asked everyday, praying there was another check in our column. When we brought him home, we were in for a whole new set of challenges. We saw specialists and had weekly weight checks. We watched carefully for any signs of developmental delays. And we prayed everyday for him to be okay. Now almost three years later, we have this little bundle of energy. He has grown into an awesome little boy. It amazes me how much has changed in just three short years.
Now I have my second blessing. I had the normal experience with her, and it was so different. I was totally amazed at all the things that I didn’t deal with when we had Noah. I remember worrying about Maddie’s little cord. By the time Noah got home, it was long gone. I had no idea what to do with that. Maddie was the typical newborn baby, a phase that was not really there with Noah. He was still very little when we brought him home, but being in the NICU had given him a set schedule, not something we had with Maddie. My fears for Maddie are different than my fears for Noah where. At almost 5 months I was concerned with milestones and eating and sleeping. Maybe it is because she is my second or maybe because she was not a preemie, I don’t worry about that stuff as much. Sure I hope she sleeps through the night, and I watch for her milestones, but I don’t obsess like I did with Noah. I know she will get there when she’s ready, not when the books say she should. I just put together her first photo album. I was looking at pictures from her first few weeks, and she has changed so much. She has such a cute little personality. She loves to smile and be cuddled. And she loves her big brother. Nothing is sweeter than watching Noah jump up and down to make her laugh. And when she does, he laughs right along with her. It is the music of our lives. And no sound could be sweeter.
So today, I thought about all of this and so much more. We had them dedicated at our new church today. I teared up when they read the little description I had written. It made me so thankful that I have these two wonderful little people in my life. So happy mother’s day to all of you mommies out there. And for any of you still waiting, be patient and have faith. It may take a long time and maybe your path to motherhood will not come they way you expect, but just have faith that you will get there.

My kids

I am so blessed to have my kids.  Not only because I thought I may never be able to have kids, but because they are two of the sweetest, cutest, smartest kids I know. (I'm not biased or anything! :) )  I was so worried with Noah that he would be jealous of Maddie.  I think he is sometimes, but most of the time he just wants to love on her. 

He always lets me know when she needs something.  He will run and tell me if her binky fell out.  He tells me "Mommy, baby sister back a binky please!" 

He loves to help give her baths. (He pours water on her feet.)  I cannot tell you the number of times he has said to me "Mommy, baby sister beautiful."  It is so wonderful to watch him with her.  I hope they grow up to have a close relationship. 

things I am loving right now:
-singing songs with my son
-Tuesday story time
-having pretend picnics on the floor of the playroom 

-watching my daughter look up and grin and coo at me
-spending every moment I can with my kids while they are young

-my parents and grandparents relationship with my kids (Noah cannot get enough of his Granna, Gramps, Nana, and Papa)
-the rare nights out with my husband (I am very glad that we still have things to talk about besides the kids and still enjoy just hanging out together)
-having great friends and watching Noah making friends
-games of peek a boo

 

-watching my son love on my daughter and knowing how blessed I am

 

 
 

snow day

We had a record snow day in Feb.  We got 14 inches at our house.  Noah loved playing in the snow, and asked Toby to take him outside all the time.  Although as soon as he feel down in the snow, he was done.  He did not like that at all!  We took Maddie out just for a little bit to take her picture, but she in not a fan of the cold or the wind, so she didn't last long.  She has had two snowstorms in her short life: Christmas and this one.  We had a lot of fun that day.  Here are some pictures.

 

  

  

Toby, Noah and Maddie in the snow.

  

Noah measuring the snow.

 

Finally

I have finally made my blog private. I have been wanting to share pictures of our lives, but I did not feel comfortable posting them on here for everyone to see.

Maddie had her two month appt. She is 11 lbs 13 oz and 22 inches long. She is our little chunky monkey, which Noah loves calling her. I have always said I wanted a baby that has those really chunky thighs with rolls. Now I do! Her legs are adorable.

She is smiling and cooing all of the time now. I can't believe she is growing up so fast.



Noah is also growing like a weed. He is in 3T clothes now, which is amazing that he has finally caught up. He is so smart he amazes me. He knows how to count to 20, most of the time he gets the numbers, count to 3 in spanish, say his abc's, reads his name, etc. And he cracks me up all the time. He is constantly saying funny things or doing funny things. Like when he is thinking about something he taps his finger to his chin like he is thinking really hard. So cute!! I can't believe he is going to be three so soon!